It just amazing to me how quickly my brain moves from, "Wahoo! I'm killing it! I can run forevah!!!" to, "Holy shit I must be on crack. There is no way in hell..."
Needless to say, I'm having one of the latter kind of weeks. And the sad part is, I KNOW that it's just one of those weeks. I KNOW it. But that little thing just creeps in there and takes hold and starts wiggling around, burrowing deeper.
And BAM. I stop believing.
***
So, summer has arrived in Chicagoland. Never mind that there's nearly a week of official winter left. Holy shitballs does running in the heat suck the life out of me - especially when I'm not used to it. So Tuesday's tempo run (smashed into the evening madness after a massive headache knocked me on my ass that morning) was littered with walk breaks and absolutely horrible. I thought I might die. I stuck it out for 6 and called it.
Wednesday's morning run was lovely, but by then, I was tired. It was my 5th day in a row running. But it was still a nice run with Sarah.
Wednesday night's strength class was a whole nother thing altogether.
People, I seriously lost my shit and nearly stared bawling only 15 minutes in. The tears were burning behind my eyes and I couldn't breathe and I couldn't swallow. I thought I was going to puke. I felt like a Biggest Loser contestant on the first day.
I stepped back and buried my sweaty face in my towel and had to forcibly WILL myself back to class. But will myself I did. And I finished it, but wow, it was NOT pretty. By the end I was trying to plank but was so sweaty I was sliding off my mat - I looked ridiculously pathetic. Pam called me out on it, but I was seriously just so glad that I was still in there.
***
Today I have never been so thankful for a rest day in I can't remember how long. Every mothereffing part of my body is sore. To top it all off, James started coughing - that "barking like a seal" coughing" just as I was getting out of the shower last night. So yeah, sleep? Not so much.
I know that I am tired and PMSy and sore. But it's kind of overwhelming. I mean, I'm only in week 5! How the hell am I going to keep this up?!?
But I know that I will talk myself out of this doubt in a minute. I will wallow for a minute, and then I will STFU and keep on keepin' on.
I will, Doubt be damned.
Not that it's much consolation, Bobbi....but I know how you feel.
ReplyDeleteHere's to tomorrow and better days ahead!
Oh Bobbi I'm sorry it's been a rough couple of days! * HUGS!* I feel like bawling everytime I"m in Zumba. ugh. And this weather is the suck. I mean it's nice but to warm for those of us who don't like to run in the heat. I hope things turn around this week.
ReplyDeleteOh man & I thought I was having a bad day having to talk to myself. I just wanted to say that please remember that your body may be crying out for a good rest and that a bad day does not make a bad person. Sleep deprivation is my number one enemy, if I don't get enough the rest of my life falls to pot. Stay strong and get some good sleep xx
ReplyDeleteReally great job on pushing through, it takes a lot of courage and fortitude to stick it out the way you did! And I totally feel your pain on the weather and its impact on our running, it really does suck. But, the more we train in unideal conditions, the more we are prepared for any other challenges that might be thrown at us, right?
ReplyDeleteHang in there and rest up as best as you can!!!
Great job pushing through when you were having such a tough time. That will only make you stronger both physically and mentally. The heat does suck, i am hoping this weather does not mean really hot summer coming!
ReplyDeleteI'm right there with you on the training thing Hun. It seems like somewhere halfway through each and every training cycle, I doubt myself and think about my goal as "Are you kidding? You'll never make it! Quit shooting for something you obviously aren't going to get, stupid!".
ReplyDeleteI hope your next week is better :)
so sorry you are having a rough week....it will make you stronger for sure to get through it and not give up. the HEAT is my enemy. it has been here for a while now. I hate it. It hates me back. it is not good.
ReplyDeletethe heat messes with me too, but hang in there! what doesn't kill you will make you stronger!
ReplyDeleteDare I tell you that I had the EXACT same experience last night in my 2nd class . . I seriously lost it and began crying. I nearly walked out 5 times, but was proud that I pushed through and stayed. How crazy we both went through the same emotional struggles during class yesterday! I'm glad you made it through!
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, you KNOW this week is just one of those weeks and soon enough you'll remember just how much you rock-the-run!!! Hang in there bloggy friend!!!!
I feel you. I REALLY feel you.
ReplyDeleteOh honey, I feel your pain...we all have those days, hell had one yesterday when i didn't do a DARN thing, and felt even shittier for not doing SOMETHING. Today, was worse, but we are committed, and forcing yourself out there sometimes is all it takes.
ReplyDeleteGet James childrens Mucinex...it works wonders. Love you...
The heat is hard to get used to for me, too. The past two days have been brutal for me. I was hoping for a nice spring...but I guess that was our winter.
ReplyDeleteUGH! I hate those weeks! So sorry its happening to you! The warm weather didn't seem to affect me much tuesday or wednesday, but today was awful! It was a suckfest..I know how you feel! I'm sure you'll be back to rocking your runs soon! :)
ReplyDeleteI hate weeks like that. I know you already know this but I'm going to say it anyway: You can do this!
ReplyDeleteBobbi! You will be fine after some rest. Sounds like you just need a break, so don't be hard are yourself and relax a bit. You will be better for it.
ReplyDeleteSo, if you find a way out of this little slump, high fives to you, girl! But, if not, why not reconsider your training plan. Who needs to be that hard on themselves if it's only making you miserable. Just saying - I support you no matter what you choose, but going harder isn't always the best answer. =)
ReplyDeleteI cry all the time during hard work outs!! It sucks and is embarrassing sometimes, but i think its a good emotional release :)
ReplyDeleteWe all have those days. I bet even elite athletes have days where they just want to bury their face in a towel and cry.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I hope James gets over his cough quickly. It's going around and I've had it for a bit, too.
Those weeks really do suck! I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it go away...but alas, no wand needed because it WILL pass and you'll find your mojo again. The heat drains me too and as much as I hate running in cold, heat is way worse. Hit a trail, it's cooler and freeing in the woods, where you can scream like a banshe if you want to....it can be rather therapeutic ;)
ReplyDeleteI bet after we acclimate to this heat we will feel better. Don't you think?
ReplyDeleteAlso - do not take Pam's class. Just. Don't. Seriously :P LOL, not trying to make light of it, but yeah... she tried to kill me. On purpose.
Hope this week is better. You can do this! :) This is your 4th marathon!!! You know you have it in you!